Trauma of Fear

I've never had a flu shot in my life and today I got my first of 2 covid vaccine shots.

Tbh, I wasn't even going to post about this but as I waited in the waiting room with Eddie he could tell I was getting emotional and 8 hours later this is still really hitting me hard.

Some of you might not be aware of my childhood and I tend to joke about how crazy it was to grow up with guns, to be taken out of school for y2k and move hundreds of miles away with enough dried food for a year. There are other stories that go along with this but as an adult I see this trauma of fear rise up in me and today was one of those moments.

There is a small part of me that is scared that one of those news articles might just be telling the truth. And WHAT IF people are really this evil and WHAT IF (any conspiracy you can imagine) and on and on and on...I know you've heard it too. And hearing it over and over and message after message, year after year starts to take a real toll.

And truthfully I don't believe ANY of it but I was AVOIDING to change my narrative out of fear.

So I had to ask myself... " Am I going to CONTINUE to be controlled by this fear and AVOID being pro active or am I going to SHOW that I am stronger than this? Do I truly WANT to be the positive that I want to see in the world or do I hide?

No. The fear stops here.. I I am not that scared little girl anymore.....

For me, this was the right thing to do. I'm in no way telling anyone what they should or should not do or act or think. But if you are also nervous then just know you aren't alone.

I once believed I lived in a world full of evil, hate and every man for himself mentality. I now believe I live in a much brighter place. And these tears of fear are turning into tears of joy as I write this.

I leave you with this by the poet Amanda Gorman...

"There is always light.
Only if we are brave enough to see it.
There is always light.
Only if we are brave enough to be it."