Reflexed

Today I did a reflexology session. And I cried. Hard.

I'm still having visions of Rogers bike accident in my head and last night I woke up from another dream with a similar scenario. I don't think of myself as an empath but from peoples experiences with me they say that I am.

For as long as I can remember I associated crying and LOOKING weak as actually BEING weak. So I ran from it. I felt shame around it. I even tried putting on a front to close people off. I did this often because if I got too close I would get hurt.
... Mix that with being the people pleaser that I was & I can see how this vicious cycle played more into my anxiety than I realized.

I'm learning to let people in. I'm learning to be ok with being vulnerable and I'm learning to let things go.

When the session ended she asked if she could pray for me and I thanked her and said of course. She told me that later today to stand outside and feel the ground on my feet. So I did. I also did 10 minutes meditation from my Virtual Health club app and held Batman. It was the hardest 10 minutes because the whole time I'm "supposed" to focus on breathing but instead the first few minutes I had such a heaviness that I felt I couldn't breath deep enough. I take it I have some work to do. And that’s ok.

It's not an easy path, but when you break down the walls you built thinking it was for protection you start to let more love and support in. So to my fellow "toughies" out there
It's ok to be vulnerable.
Its ok to love hard and feel emotions.
It's ok to focus on self care.
You are love and capable of loving & accepting love.

Are there things in your life that have hardened you? Are you ready to let go and move forward? If you ever need to chat I'm here.  Because you aren't alone in this. And you never will be.